January in Review: Politics, Bieber and Doctors Who

I’m sure you all had some New Year’s resolutions – lose weight, drink less, write that novel you’ve been working on for years… I get the feeling that when the Prime Minister, drunk with power on 31 December thought about his resolutions it went something along the lines of ‘I’ve shown the Australian public that I am incapable of any kind of political and economic leadership, now 2014 will be the year I show it to the world!’ Bless him, he has. And it’s only January.
 

Unfortunately for the attendees of The World Economic Forum held in Davos (not Davros, though keep Doctor Who in mind, I’ll get to that later), its original keynote speaker – a horse that could count – was forced to pull out at the last minute. After a long night of calling pretty well everyone on the planet in search of a replacement, organisers realised that the only man available was our Prime Minister, the right Honourable Tony ‘Reverse Robin Hood’ Abbott. That’s my theory anyway.
 

So our most prime of ministers packed up his speech, which was predominantly composed of recycled nonsensical slogans, and flew to Davos. Upon arriving and most likely spending some tax dollars on the minibar, Abbott was ushered on stage. Seems they must still have had the facilities to clean up the counting horse’s poop because Abbott was about to talk a lot of excrement.
 

There is an unspoken rule in global politics – leave the domestic stuff at home – which is something Abbott has previously forgotten, or was not reminded of by his minders. That, and he seems to think the world actually gives a toss about what is going on in little ol’ far away from everything, oh look at you over there, Australia. Here is a hint Tony, even the Australian public didn’t care enough about what was going on here, which is actually how you are where you are. You’ll show them.
 

Remember how I mentioned Doctor Who? Well, here is my analogy of Abbott’s talk. Imagine if Matt Smith went to a Star Trek convention and started talking about how much better he is than David Tennant. Nobody would understand what he was saying or why he was there, and anyone with a vague idea of what he was talking about would know he was lying or judge him as being bitter, twisted and not particularly up on diplomacy.

Moving from one annoying pain in the rear and onto another, Justin Bieber was arrested for a DUI in Florida this month. Yep little Biebz is all growed up and has a big boy car and spoilt brat attitude. Seriously, who didn’t see this coming? The ratty performer, famous for the song Baby (baby, baby, ooooooh – earworm!), was pulled over in a rented Lamborghini intended for drag racing on a public street and arrested for being under the influence. The arresting officer noted that the kid smelled of alcohol and was not fit to control a vehicle. It’s been revealed that Bieber blew a 0.014 when tested but according to police he has admitted to having smoked some weed and taking prescription drugs.
What we have learnt from this little event is that the boy needs to go to rehab, or my personal preference, prison. Think of all the life lessons he could learn in the joint!
 

This episode has confirmed to me a long held suspicion, Beliebers are essentially the most vacuous people on the planet, although they’re only marginally edging out Directioners at the moment. Rallying to defend their peach-fuzzed infallible prince, these empty-headed tweens flocked to their short-hand communication tool of choice – Twitter – to make sure he knew it was okay to drink, drive high performance cars in an unruly manner and then resist arrest.
 

Bieber will be sending Valentine’s Day being arraigned by a Florida court – I’m hoping for a stern verdict delivered with chocolates and a dozen red roses.
 

Just to assure you that it’s not all doom and gloom only one month into 2014, we did get to see something very special. Keeping up with my Doctor Who fixation, we recently got a glimpse of the Doctor’s new clothes! It’s not usual for me to be excited about fashion, but I am really looking forward to Peter Capaldi taking over as the Timelord, and part of that excitement is his costume!
 

I feel like Joan Rivers should be involved in every new Doctor’s choice of outfit, asking them who they’re wearing while shouting at them on a red (or TARDIS blue) carpet somewhere. I fully expect the bottom to fall out of the fez industry, but they’ve had a good run. Instead I anticipate a peak in the sale of Doc Martens.
 

Well those are my highlights of January for you. Here’s looking forward to what February brings and hopefully there’ll be no mention of Tony Abbott, unless it’s to note that he was detained on re-entry and shipped off to Manus Island. Ah, a man can dream…

-Paul Briske

read more

12 Years a Slave: A Review

Before the screening for this film began, I ordered a large glass of wine from the bar. I wanted to numb myself. I had not watched any trailers for Steve McQueen’s latest film, or read Solomon Northup’s memoir of his experiences as an abducted slave. Regardless before having seen a single frame, I was already experiencing a strong sense of foreboding.

McQueen has proven himself to be a film-maker who both is fearless in his subject matter – the deprivation of the Northern Irish political detainees in Hunger is unforgettable – but also fully aware of how film can confront the audience. The topic of slavery within Hollywood has previously been treated as an unfortunate event in history – and so depicted in disaffected fashion as a curio; as a sadistic standby in exploitation cinema; or most famously, entirely justified as in the work of D.W. Griffith’s The Birth of a Nation.

McQueen is not interested in such segues or historical sleight-of-hand. 12 Years a Slave opens with Chiwetel Ejiofor standing among a group of slaves, men and young boys, staring at the camera dejectedly. It is a confronting opening shot, but it also immediately places the audience in that moment. The ambient sound of the cornfield, the buzzing of insects and this silent group, waiting to be told what to do, completely bereft of agency, all combine together to deliberate effect.

The story skips back in time, introducing Ejiofor’s Solomon as a family man making a comfortable living as an entertainer. He dresses in the clothing of the New York middle class and draws the envious gazes of born slaves, who are baffled by his freedom and equality with his white peers. Solomon is approached by two men who offer him a short profitable job in Washington. During his travels with them, he is drugged and wakes to find himself pressed into a slaver’s ship bound human cargo. There he is stripped of his clothes and name – he learns quickly that any protest about his true identity can lead to his death.

The sudden reversal of Solomon’s fate is a sharp shock, again designed to force a sense of empathy on a modern audience. In addition the shrill violins of Hans Zimmer’s score – acting as a chorus, given Solomon’s own gifts as a violinist – evoke the desperation and pain of these victims of callous slavers.

Sold initially to the morally troubled, but weak-willed William Ford (Benedict Cumberbatch) Solomon tries to makes himself useful, in the hope that his evident skill at carpentry will allow him to convince his owner that he is more valuable as a free man. His plan fails disastrously and he is passed on to Edwin Epps, played by frequent McQueen collaborator Michael Fassbender. Trapped by an unpredictable, brutal sadist, his dreams of escape are slowly ground into dust.

What impresses most is how the torture and abuse of the slaves is not depicted in a sensationalistic fashion, its everydayness making it doubly disturbing to watch unfold. Epps orders slaves who fail to meet a daily quota for cotton picking be whipped, of which there are glimpses in long shots. McQueen also avoids the trope of 12 Years… being a story of redemption for his male protagonist. Solomon instead is forced to witness the suffering of women in particular, an aspect of American slavery that has been sidelined in previous films set during this period.

Cumberbatch’s performance shows what he is capable of when given the chance to escape from Tumblr. Fassbender is simply terrifying, a ball of rage liable to explode at any moment. One tension-filled scene between Epps and Solomon in the dead of night is an acting masterclass.

However, it is the women on screen that impress the most. The magnetic Lupita Nyong'o gives Fassbender a run for his money during their moments together and the grief of Adepero Oduye’s Eliza at the loss of her children is heartrending. Sarah Paulson plays the wife of Epps and essays another rarity in the film subgenre of slavery pictures, a white woman devoid of any sympathy towards the slaves on her property, actively abusing Patsey (Lupita Nyong’o). Ultimately the plot movements of this film are set in motion by the actions of the women, not the men, with Solomon an especially passive observer.

McQueen has delivered an inspired piece of film that refuses to settle into received ideas of how slavery should be depicted. This is a thoroughly modern and innovative picture, emotionally devastating, but invigorating thanks to directorial technique and the commitment of its cast.

12 Years a Slave is in cinemas from tomorrow - 30 January.

-Emmet O'Cuana

read more

Reviewed: Being Anti-Social by Leigh K Cunningham

Throughout 2014, Eliza will be participating in the Australian Women Writers Challenge on behalf of Hopscotch Friday.

Mace Evans, the female protagonist of Leigh K Cunningham's award winning Being Anti-Social, could be described as an Aussie Bridget Jones. She's in her late thirties, single, has an interfering family, dysfunctional group of friends, a slight drinking problem and an unfortunate habit of sleeping with her co-workers.

However, Mace is also mourning the love of her life – her ex-husband Ben, who died from leukaemia. Mace struggles through life as she watches her friends and family find love and contentment, which now seem to elude her. She’s still carrying the guilt of the affair she had that led to her marriage breakdown, and her inability to make it right with Ben before he died.
 

Being Anti-Social is about the loneliness of grief and what happens when you find great love and happiness only to lose it. Although it brought me close to tears at one point, this novel also has a great sense of wit that made me laugh out loud. I found familiar the group of girlfriends who you’ve known so long that sometimes you don't remember why you’re still hanging out with them, but still you love them like the sisters you never had. I could also relate to Mace’s tactics for getting through tedious work meetings; 'I slip in and out of awareness, returning only when I hear a C-level voice, in particular the CFO, my boss. For the rest of the time, I nod and make to-do lists, for example, grocery lists, holiday plans, Oscar quotes etc.'
 

In fact, I think it is the author's firsthand experience as a lawyer and senior executive that makes her descriptions of life in the modern workplace all the more real, and her takes on the characters found in nearly every office, a humorous edge. It’s nice to know even the senior echelons of organisations feel the same as us filling out the ranks. This has to be one of my favourite aspects of the book.
 

There are a lot of great moments in Being Anti-Social, and the tone is near perfect blend of cynicism, humour and emotional depth. However, for me its downfall is that some of the characters are not as well developed as I would like, such as ex-boyfriend Rudy and Mace's sister Shannon. Also some aspects of the plot are not wrapped up in a way that left me satisfied. In the end this left me wondering about some of the characters, why they were included at all, and what happened to make them act the way they did?

Being Anti-Social is no Bridget Jones' Diary. It is an enjoyable read and an interesting exploration of how someone might deal with life when it doesn't turn out the way they planned. It’s a book that managed to make me laugh and cry, and any book that can do that is worth a read.

Being Anti-Social by Leigh K Cunningham is independently published through Vivante Publishing.

-Eliza Murphy

read more

47 Ronin: A Review

This review contains information that may be considered spoilers. But seriously, if you’re familiar with this genre, you probably know what’s coming anyway.

47 Ronin is classic Asian revenge tragedy. Here's the basic plot: Lord Asano of Ako comes across a young boy (Kai) in the forest and adopts him as his ward, much to the chagrin of some of his Samurai, who consider Eurasians to be of a lower class. Many years later, Asano holds a tournament to welcome the Shogun of Ako. Lord Kira of a rival kingdom is also guest. Through a series of unfortunate events, Asano is dishonoured before the Emperor, and must take his own life to retain the honour of his men. Kira steps in, takes the Asano's daughter, and disbands Asano's Samurai as Ronin: master-less Samurai. Kai is sold into slavery, and Oishi – Asano's chief Samurai – is thrown into a pit for a year in an attempt to break his spirit.

Fast forward to a year later, and Oishi is released from his prison. His resolve is strengthened, and he seeks revenge on Kira, specifically disobeying the orders of the Shogun. Honour is a greater motivator than the will to live. Oishi finds the former Samurai of Asano – now all Ronin – and busts Kai out of the slave pits on the Dutch Isles. Together they acquire weapons and storm Lord Kira's palace to slay the evil-doers, get the girl, and regain Asano's honour.

I wanted to hate this film. I really, really did, because it had all the elements of stuff I detest: foreign accents substituted for actual language; historicity embellished with supernatural elements; Keanu Reeves attempting to act. You get the idea.

It is about as true to the story on which it was based as Pirates of the Caribbean is a true representation of European trade wars in the 1700s. However, when recent films have attempted to suggest Robin Hood signed the Magna Carta or Abraham Lincoln fought vampires as well as slavery, putting a few dragons and demons into Feudal Japan isn't exactly worthy of tossing popcorn at the screen.

As far as I know, this was based on a much-loved legend that is as pivotal to the forging of Japan as the rape of the Sabine women is to the establishment of Rome.

I enjoyed the world that was presented to me – magic and all. Witches, demons, dragons – all these things added, but they were not pivotal to the overarching plot, nor were they the focus of the film. 47 Ronin plays to the themes and tropes of the genre to which it pays homage: a forbidden love; overcoming differences to battle a greater threat; honour; righting wrongs. It didn't even shy away from an ending that by all rights could have been changed to give a Western audience a happily ever after. The Ronin know that even if they restore the honour of Asano, they are all doomed by their disobedience of the Shogun's command.

The effects are top-notch. Set replacement, colour grading, CGI and practical effects all blend so seamlessly – but this is a given nowadays, or at least it should be. As for Keanu…well, the guy's wooden. He's not displayed emotional range since Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure but this role does not demand anything more than looking hard done by, taking knocks, and expressions of kick arse determination, which Keanu's been doing since The Matrix.

While the film feels epic it's barely two hours long. I pondered how this might play in Japanese theatres, if they'd be embarrassed by a Western take on their much-loved mythology. I feel a sense of wrongness in my bones about this, and I know there's a case to be made about white-washing the stories of other cultures...but dammit, this is one of those guilty pleasure movies you'll secretly enjoy, even if you hate on it just to sound cool.

47 Ronin is currently in cinemas through Universal.

-Paul Caggegi

read more

From Podcast to Small Screen

I remember a time when people who walked around with white ear buds were widely regarded as douchebags. They could be found on any inner city street wrapped up in their own personal oblivion, narrowly avoiding being run over as they listened to horrendously low quality audio at silly volumes. Now ten years later, I am rarely seen walking around without some little bits of plastic compressing wax into my ear canal.

I am a huge music fan but in general the sound of an mp3 coming through a tiny speaker doesn’t cut it for me. Instead, I mostly listen to podcasts. There has been an explosion of new podcasts in the last few years, on just about every subject, and it’s not hard to see why. Millions of people around the world are forced to travel long distances to jobs they hate, and if they are anything like me they prefer not to be left alone with their thoughts on a cold and early winter’s commute. What better way to overcome this than by having intelligent people speak to you about interesting things?

With the growing popularity of podcasting it’s only a logical progression that some are now being made into TV shows, transitioning with their ready-made audiences. One of my favourites is Comic Book Men, based around the Kevin Smith’s New Jersey comic book store. This show emerged from the Tell ‘Em Steve Dave (TESD) podcast and while it’s clearly as staged as any other reality show, the slightly oddball yet somehow familiar personalities puts it miles ahead of the usual reality droll.

Comic Book Men: http://www.amctv.com/shows/comic-book-men

Another show featuring a TESD host is Impractical Jokers. It’s a hilarious and ridiculous spin on the long tired hidden camera concept and features four hosts, collectively known as The Tenderloins, taking turns at being tasked to carry out ridiculous undertakings.
   
Joe Rogan Questions Everything is also worth a look. It covers topics aimed at the Marijuana enthusiast out there, including chemtrails and Bigfoot in a fairly open minded yet sceptical manner. Yes, it does look like it was edited a 16-year-old snacking on pharmaceutical amphetamines but it’s a fairly thought provoking show. Apparently it pulled in some pretty impressive audience numbers on debut; take from that what you will.

Joe Rogan Questions Everything: http://www.syfy.com/joeroganquestionseverything

For those who like their comedy neurotic there’s Maron, an at times squeamish but hysterical show that’s a 'fictionalisation' of the life and times of sad and angry comedian and podcaster Marc Maron.

A more informative and family friendly show is HowStuffWorks on the Discovery Channel. The podcast and television show are always well researched and interesting but in my opinion the TV show does tend to come off as a little cheesy. Even so, it’s worth a look and you'll probably learn something.

My personal favourite is Legit, a dark but somehow heart-warming comedy co-written by Australian comedian and former Talkin' Sh!t host Jim Jefferies. Like many of these podcast-cum-television shows Legit also features past podcast guests in onscreen support roles.

Legit: http://www.fxx.com/legit/

I have also heard rumours of a Hollywood Babble On series in the works, which is yet another podcast from the Kevin Smith Smodcast stable - the guy seems to be onto something.  And with a growing number of podcasters gaining just the sort of free and effortless exposure that has television producers salivating, who can blame him.

I might sound like a douchebag saying I only use my iPod for podcasts now, but give it ten years…

-Dan Brokenborough

read more

Loving on...Edinburgh, Scotland

Loving on...is a new feature allowing our contributors to share some of their favourite places with you. Travel is good for the soul, so let us tempt yours by recommending some of our tried and tested picks of the bunch!

The first cab off the rank is Edinburgh, Scotland.

Edinburgh is somewhere I would go back to in a heartbeat. I've been there twice and can't imagine it will be long before I'm there again.

The Scottish capital manages to maintain somewhat of a a small(ish) town feel, its easy to get around and it's absolutely picturesque. The first time I was there I arrived in the evening, so it was already dark. Only the following morning did I realise I'd completely missed the grandeur of the Old Town, which overlooks the railway station, the mound and Princes Street Gardens.

While there's an obvious and significant focus on tourist activity, especially in the Old Town and along the Royal Mile - a series of streets that lead to Edinburgh Castle - there's pretty much something for everyone to be found here. It should be of particular interest to those passionate about history, politics, bagpipes, literature, the arts, cultural festivals or, well, Harry Potter.

What to See

Like I said, there's plenty! But as I always think is wise, if there's a hop-on-hop-off bus tour, go for it. These give you the opportunity to orient yourself in a way that's guided and without the need to waste time standing on street corners checking maps to find out where the heck you've wandered to. If you have the time do the full loop the first time around marking the places you want to come back to as you go.

Alternatively, if there's a free walking tour (free, but really, compensate your guide for their time, effort and knowledge) you'll probably see all the most prominent sites in one go, leaving you time to explore the rest of the city at your leisure.

Truth is, if the weather permits, Edinburgh is a great city to walk around. Edinburgh Castle a must see and relatively easily accessible on foot, just up a hill. Even if you don't go in or take a tour, at the very last head on up and check out the view of the New Town on one side and Grassmarket and beyond on the other. Walking down the Royal Mile you'll pass a number of touristy joints, and eventually get to the Parliament and  Palace of Holyroodhouse.

I'd also recommend the National Museum of Scotland, which houses Dolly the Sheep, the first mammal closed from an adult cell; and the Museum of Childhood, which I came across by accident, and houses a wide variety of toys, games and various other objects from around the world and various historical periods.

If you're in Scotland for whisky you have to hit up The Scotch Whisky Experience, which is nearby to the Castle. And if you want to take something home that's truly Scottish try some of the local galleries, like Little Ox Gallery. Little Ox is just down from Greyfriar's Kirkyard and Bobby, an Edinburgh local you should pay a visit to.

Where to Eat

My number one recommendation on the food front is Spoon. Located on Nicholson Street, Spoon is decked out in vintage decor and has a comfortable homey feel, which is reflected in the food. Unpretentious and seasonal, the brunch, day and dinner menus includes vegetarian and gluten free options. Oh, and the coffee ain't bad either.

Coffee at Spoon

There are three Earthy's in Edinburgh, with the one located at Canonmills functioning as a store, cafe and restaurant. They're based on the concept that eating well is living well, and bringing the farmer's market to the plate. I had a coffee and a beautiful takeaway sandwich, a tough choice given the spread available to me on the day. Unfortunately, the place was full, hence takeaway for me.

Got a sweet tooth? Bibi's Bakery has you covered, with a gorgeous array of cupcakes for your consumption. When I went, the line was out the door, and they were well worth the wait.

Or, for just a quick drink, try BrewDog Edinburgh on Cowgate. It's size makes it intimate, but that can make for a nice change compared to the mainstream pubs. This is the kind of place where there's boardgames behind the counter. On the drinks menu sitting alongside the BrewDog varieties is a rotation of guest crafty beers. They also have pizza. 

Where to Stay

On my first stay in Edinburgh I opted for a B&B while on the second I went with an apartment.

Two Hillside Crescent is conveniently located by Royal Terrace Gardens and walking distance to the city centre. A Georgian townhouse, Two Hillside Crescent is beautifully appointed and if I'm honest, I thought I'd walked into the wrong place! It's classy and comfortable, and even though I arrived quite late in the evening due to a delayed flight, I felt welcome the second I walked in the door and was offered a cup of hot tea. Day made. The Scottish breakfast is worth the price of admission alone.

The luxury double/twin room range from 115 pounds per night in the low season to 135 pounds during the peak and includes a full Scottish breakfast.

http://www.twohillsidecrescent.com/

If a self-catering apartment is more your thing, I'd recommend Georgian Apartments (26 Abercromby Place). Situated right by the Queen Street Gardens and super close the New Town these two apartments are spacious and tastefully decorated. I stayed in the Lower Ground apartment, which has three large rooms including double bedroom featuring en-suite, combined lounge and dining room, and a full-size kitchen. A second apartment is also available.  

For the Lower Ground apartment prices range from 65/75 pounds per night during the low season to 100/110 during the peak.

http://georgianapartmentsedinburgh.co.uk/

-Stevie O'C

read more

Spike Jonze's Her Reviewed

“It’s good to be around someone that’s excited about the world. I forgot that existed.”

Spike Jonze has seen the future and it is very convenient. Her depicts a near-future L.A. that appears to have been annexed by Apple. The digital citizens of this pastel utopia conduct most of their daily activity through virtual space, appear to want for nothing and work at professions that balance creativity with profit, and wear very high pants. The film takes place in an almost insufferably middle-class setting, absent any hint of conflict or deprivation.

Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix) is introduced reading aloud what appears to be a touching love letter. Then comes the reveal that Theodore writes correspondence for a living, occasionally managing both sides of an intimate conversation between the loved ones who employ him. His computer translates his spoken words into beautiful long-hand writing on a printed page, which is then forwarded on to the addressee. The simple act of letter-writing has become fetishised and transformed into a business transaction.

Lonely following the breakdown of his own marriage, the instinctively empathetic Theodore installs a new form of household Operating System that emotionally anticipates the needs of the user and develops an independent artificial intelligence. It is in this fashion he first ‘meets’ Samantha (Scarlett Johansson), whose infectious enthusiasm for life and can-do attitude helps lift Theodore’s funk. Quickly progressing from organising his work life to encouraging the shy writer to go on blind dates, a genuine friendship soon develops between the two.

Having put in the work establishing just how abstract human relationships have become – there’s an awfully funny anonymous cybersex scene featuring Kristin Wiig – Theodore and Samantha falling for one another feels completely natural. Somehow in grafting his story on to a science fiction setting, Jonze has managed to produce a startlingly insightful conversation about how we communicate with one another, both generally and within relationships.

Theodore and Samantha may seem like an unlikely couple and at first there’s a suspicion that she is merely behaving affectionately towards him due to her programming. However, the film explores just how dynamic this form of artificial intelligence is. Samantha is not only developing as a piece of software, but discovering her own personhood. Part of the charm of the film is showing how the couple get to know each other more and become genuinely intimate – with all the attendant joys and fears that treasured intimacy brings. Samantha’s arc is that she continues to grow not only into the relationship, but as an individual with wants and needs. Theodore, in his own right, is pulled back into the world, having become insulated by his retreat into technology.

His growing acceptance of Samantha as an individual with her own personality, desires and dreams resembles many relationships. The initial attraction based on a pre-existing preference of what a person is looking for in a partner and then the growing intimacy that comes with truly getting to know someone. 

Another sign of how smart a piece of writing this is can be found in the surrounding characters. Chris Pratt - soon to be appearing on the big screen as Marvel’s next superhero Starlord in Guardians of the Galaxy - features as an easy-going and emotionally secure colleague of Theodore’s. Pratt’s performance as Paul is not only wryly humourous, but sweet-natured and accepting of difference. Olivia Wilde’s ‘Blind Date’, however, is far more fragile, terrified of disappointment in her relationships. Amy Adams plays an old friend of Theodore’s who calmly accepts the highs and lows of life with philosophical grace. Courtesy of both the quality of acting, and the natural dialogue, these characters do not feel like stodgy archetypes. There’s a rich degree of observational insight at work here. 

This is also a film that simply looks fantastic. Hoyte Van Hoytema’s cinematography is a wonder, transforming the locations of Shanghai and docklands LA into pristine and richly coloured vistas. Like Michael Winterbottom’s Code 46, or Godard’s Alphaville, this is a stunning example of practical futurism. Very little special effects or green-screen work is in evidence here, besides Theodore’s very funny playtime sessions with a foul-mouthed video-game avatar.

Throw in a soundtrack by Arcade Fire and you have yourself a remarkable multimedia experience.

Her is a film that thrives not only on its performances, courtesy of the intimacy of Phoenix and Johansson’s conversations, but the subtle play of ideas in Jonze’s script. Quite simply one of the most compelling recent films released.

Her is in cinemas from tomorrow - 16 January.

-Emmet O'Cuana

read more

What They Don't Tell You About Living in London

A lot of friends and family contact me saying they are living vicariously through my London adventures, particularly through my Facebook updates. Thing is, Facebook is a carefully edited medium which affords us an easy way to project how awesome we are, whilst we hide those not so fabulous aspects of our lives.

 

In the wise words of Sir Laurence Street (former Chief Justice of the NSW Supreme Court) from my days at law school - there are always two sides to the coin. For the record, Sir Street's was a 50 cent piece and at 80+ he flirted like he was Gosling with us 20-somethings.

I love you dearly and thank you for your support, but I say to you this – put down your smart phone and book yourself...wait, don't put the phone down...book yourself a ticket to that place you've always wanted to go…and then put the phone down. That's exactly what I did and is how I ended up here.

As I approach the nine month mark of life in London, something has also gestated - an inner rage. Before I go on, I do love my life in London and the happy times I promote (via Facebook), which certainly outweigh the frustratingly, annoying, inefficient, extortionate times. But they’re there, and daily I find myself in situations where I want to scream what the actual fuck?! Somedays I do...in public...mostly at rail employees. And I use the term ‘employee’ loosely as it implies that they do something productive and as it stands I am not convinced.

It is never far from my mind that I am one of hundreds of thousands of Aussies who have taken this right of passage to the UK, but at 32 I seem to be a late bloomer. I am beginning to wonder whether my age is impacting on my experience. Having been around the block a few more times than my younger antipodeans, it really grates me when I see things that are over complicated, inefficient and expensive and I know they don't have to be. So indulge me here and allow me to vent a few things that shit me to tears (bearing in mind this list is by no means exhaustive), and what no one warned me about London. 

Passiveness

People are passive, not necessarily aggressively, but I often experience resistance to engagement, initiative or responsibility.  I work within the public sector and not surprisingly I see these things a lot at work, but this most prevalent on public transport. Catching the train/tube during peak hour is best described as ‘intimate’. People seem to have a preference for being squashed together in the vestibule rather than move inside the carriage!

When this Aussie attempts to get on and politely requests my co-commuters to utilise that space behind them I receive looks like I've just asked them to insert a toilet brush somewhere unmentionable, brush head first. I did once get a verbal response; ‘there's no room’. ‘There right behind you oh wait here where I am now standing’, having pushed past her not so delicately. It really doesn't make for the best start to the day.

TV Licences 

I'm not going to bang on about this one too much because it blows my mind. Instead I want to skim over this to keep my levels of irritability down as I'm only at number 2.

In a nutshell there is no free to air television channels in the UK like there are in Australia. Instead you have to pay a licence fee of £145.50 (cheaper for black and white) each year. Apparently the fee funds the BBC.  For numerous reasons, which I won't go into here, I find this hard to swallow but I think I should point out that the BBC is a globally recognised brand and I suspect it's doing alright for itself. Incidental to my research I found reading that website amusing because I never knew there was so many ways to say ‘you're being ripped off!’

Public Transport

Original image by Arjen Stilklik via Flickr

A lot of people bang on about how great the transport links are in London. Hey, even I did at first. But there is nothing that wears me down more than the daily commute, and where I can, I walk. I shouldn't really call it public because the national rail service, which connects London with the surrounding home counties (one being Surrey where I currently reside) is run by several private operators. In my experience they couldn't care less or charge more, but then again prices have just increased.

I just paid £255 (around $460 AU) for a monthly ticket for a journey the equivalent of living in the outer western suburbs of Sydney. I wouldn't mind paying so much if it was a good service (I refer you to my Zurich piece), but it not. It's like waiting for that friend who doesn't give a crap about time and is either late or cancels last minute. This happens so often that train boards have the scheduled time and expected time. Sometimes they match, but it’s so rare it feels like you’ve won some kind of lottery when it does happen.

When in London, buses are my preferred mode of transport as they are cheaper and tend to be more reliable. But, is it really reasonable to assume that the destination you read on the front of the bus is ultimately where it will end up? Apparently not. ‘This bus is on diversion. Please wait for further announcements,’ has caught me a few times, usually in the post-midnight hours. It means that the bus will not be finishing the route and you need to get off at the next stop and wait for the next bus to come along, which doesn't always eventuate.

Wages Versus Cost of Living

I am lucky to be earning around what I was in Sydney, and I know how fortunate that makes me. Most people I know earn less than the equivalent to $50k (AU), which may sound okay but the basic costs of living London are expensive. A habit I am finding hard to let go of, but know I must, is converting prices of things into Aussie dollars. It's hard not to get annoyed when the shampoo I use here is £17 (I have a sensitive scalp) and would be $17 in Australia. This has made me realise how ridiculous the concept of money really is.

The Weather

Actually, no, I’m not going to bitch and moan about the weather. Not only because I can't say I wasn’t warned, but because I actually love the cold. In fact, I could whinge that it's not cold enough, but I'll let that go for now as apparently it's been unseasonably warm this year. Either that or it’s my piping hot temper that's taken the edge off.

-Eliza Rose Harper

read more